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At times, Jay Spring is convinced he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I stand above others … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are typically succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his conduct, making him highly sensitive to disapproval from external sources. He began to think he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors online – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. However, he is skeptical he would have taken the label without having previously arrived at that realization on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they feel a sense of being better. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

While people have been called narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states a leading researcher, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people hide it, as there is significant negative perception linked to the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “impaired compassion”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as displaying material goods,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in Narcissism

Although three-quarters of people identified as having NPD are men, findings points out this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be somewhat tolerated, just kind of like everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who discusses her co-occurring conditions on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

First-Hand Experiences

I find it difficult with dealing with feedback and not being accepted,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that the problem is me, I either go into defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Even with this response – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she strives not to return into the negative conduct of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she notes she and her partner “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of positive role models during development. It’s been a process of understanding continuously what is suitable or harmful to say during a fight because I never had that growing up,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be associated with difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The adult explains when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve high marks and career success, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, struggles with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a therapist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (extended treatment is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: “They said it is probably going to be early next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he says. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number